Yep, I’d enthusiastically shouted out “Foreplay!”Īll in a day’s work for an expat.

and I knew, immediately, what my mistake was. I boldly hollered out “Vorspiele!” What I meant to say was “vorspeise”– the word for appetizer literally means before (vor) the meal (speise).īut my teacher nearly fell off the side of his desk laughing. . The teacher asked what the word for appetizer was. We were reviewing some useful phrases for eating out–something I fancied I knew a little about. By the way, I’ve changed classes: no more sitting by Paul Newman’s twin (so sad), but I do really like my new teacher (a very elegant older German man). Yesterday, I was in my German language class, plodding along and trying to learn a few things. So I’ll open the conversation with my misstep of the week (so far). Freud and “Thought I Said One Thing, But I Said Something Entirely Different Thursday.”Įvery expat blog should offer an occasional thought on the faux pas, because it’s what we strangers in a strange land do best. *wikipedia article on the speech, including the controversy over his wording: I’ve a feeling that she dropped the bag, unopened, into the bin as soon at she got home. My friend still looks rattled, but she accepts the bag with a wry smile on her face. I say it too loudly.people are beginning to stare. “Oh, no, no, no,” my voice rises and my arms wave (swinging the parcel of pants wildly), “I’m so sorry. “I’ve washed them,” I say.Īnd then it occurs to me that “pants” are undies in the UK. A look of horror absolutely engulfs her face. You really ought to take them,” I say, as I begin to hand the bag her direction. (Did I eat garlic for lunch? No, I don’t think so.) It would be a shame for someone not to get good use out of them.” This elicits a slight recoil from my friend.

So I explain, “The pants have only been worn a few times, they’re still very nice. I approach a friend whose son is Will’s age, and I offer her the pants. Here’s my story: I walk onto the school playground at pick up time with a bag of nearly perfect pants in hand. It is, but, bloody hell, mate, you are likely to get it all wrong if you don’t speak the language. What do you do with nearly perfect pants? You give them to a friend who can use them. The pants were nearly perfect (which is the first strange thing about this story, as my son can wear the knees out of pants in 30 seconds flat–I should have known at this point that fate was conspiring to trick me in some way). I bought him some new school uniforms that he outgrew after just a wearing or two. My son was young when we lived in Yorkshire young and growing like a weed. Maybe you get the point already, but let me illustrate the problem. Let’s just leave it at that.Īnother word that becomes awkward in England: “pants.” If you spill beer on yourself in the pub, whatever you do, do not loudly proclaim that your pants are dirty. I speak from experience.Īlso, if you are an American traveling in the UK, do not use the word “fanny” to refer to your bottom…it does not. And please do not say it to your elderly neighbor under any circumstance. Turns out Ron Weasley had a serious potty mouth. It’s Ron Weasley’s favorite catch phrase, for Pete’s sake–what’s not charming about that? Well, yeah. “Bloody Hell!” What a quaint British phrase that is. There are approximately 8,992 ways that you travelers might embarrass yourselves (and those around you) in any given moment, but I’ll cover just a few examples. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass.” ― Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad “The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. Mark Twain knew this, and you will too after only a few short days in country. You WILL embarrass yourself again and again. When you are abroad, even in a country where you think you speak the same language as the locals, you don’t speak the same language as the locals. (If you aren’t familiar with the speech and the controversy, see the links at the end of this post*) “Ich bin ein Berliner”–does that translate as “I am a Berliner” or “I am a jelly donought”? It almost doesn’t matter whether we’re looking at a dreadful gaffe or a faux faux pas–an urban legend–it makes a point.

It was a moment of solidarity…or possibly a moment of hilarity, depending on whom you ask. Kennedy made his famous “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech in West Berlin not long after the Soviets put up the wall.

It is so very easy, when you are in another country trying to abide by other customs, eat other food, and speak another language, to blunder time and again. Alternately entitled: One way we foreigners perfect the art of faux pas

Twain gentle reader abroad